Road to Recovery
by Mychand
Summary: This is a short story Christmas story told in two parts about what happened to String after the end of Season 3.
1. Part 1

_I've written several versions of what might have happened after the end of season three when it came to Hawke and Caitlin. This is just another version of what "could have" happened._

 **Road to Recovery**

 **Part 1 of 2**

Hawke lay tossing and turning in his hospital bed. His mind drifted off as it usually did to the time when memories were happier. He heard the carolers singing in the hallway. They'd come to bring cheer to those who were stuck in the long term care facility for the holidays. Dom had been on his mind all day. He missed him terribly and it was hard to understand how life could be so unfair as to trade one person he loved for another. His brother was back now and he visited him regularly. Still, life had changed so much. One moment he and Dom were laughing and the next, Dom was gone and Hawke was left battered and unable to walk. For the first six months afterwards he did nothing but lay there and stare up at the ceiling. Visitors were a nuisance as he didn't care for them to see him in what he considered his crippled state. Only his brother seemed to be able to get through to him.

Happy memories disappeared as his mind began to betray him. It had been a year and a half since he'd seen her. He wasn't surprised at how much he missed her. He'd pushed her away, unable to deal with what had happened to him. Regret set in quickly. He knew it was thanks to her that he was finally getting out of the place he was forced to call home for a year and a half. She lit a fire that couldn't be extinguished. One so strong that gave him the will to fight. He wondered where she went and what she'd been doing all this time. He wasn't sure what he'd say to her when he saw her but he knew he had to find her. He had to make right what had gone so wrong.

 ** _One year ago….._**

Caitlin sighed as she sat down beside Hawke in his hospital room. He never looked at her or even acknowledged she was there. Although this pained her, she still came three times a week and always stayed for at least an hour. She forced him to listen to her even though he acted like he wasn't paying any attention at all. She wanted him to fight. She wanted him to pick himself up and learn to walk again. But, to her dismay, he seemed to have given up on everything in life. Finally, she gave up too.

"I just wanted to let you know that I won't be visiting anymore," she told him.

Hawke continued to pretend he didn't hear her but he could hear the strength, yet sadness in her voice.

"The doctors think that my coming here isn't good for you anymore," she continued.

"I guess they're right," she admitted. "I've come here so often because you said I was family. And, from where I'm from, family doesn't give up on family. They stand together and fight. But, this seems to be a fight you need to do on your own and I guess I should let you do that. You and Dom meant the world to me. It's hard to let you both go but I know it's for the best. I hope one day you'll find yourself again Hawke. Because the Stringfellow Hawke I know would never give up on a fight."

Caitlin stood up beside him and leaned over, kissing him softly on the cheek.

"Goodbye Hawke," she said, trying hard to hold back her tears. "Take care of yourself."

Caitlin quickly turned and ran out of the hospital room, nearly slamming the door behind her. It wasn't until she reached the inside of the elevator that the tears began to flow. She'd lost so much in such a short time and now she had to give up the last thing left of the three years she'd spent in California.

 ** _Present Day….._**

Hawke sighed. It took a year from the time she walked out but he was finally able to walk again. He still needed the assistance of a cane, but slowly he was learning to rely less on it.

"Well, are you ready to go?" St. John asked as he swung open the door to Hawke's room.

Hawke sat up and smiled. "You mean they are finally cutting me loose?" he asked.

"Yep, you're a free man again," he grinned. "I went up to the cabin and got things ready for you. You do want to go back there don't you?"

Hawke shook his head. "Yeah, I really do," he replied. "A part of me never thought I'd get to see the place again."

"I knew you would," replied St. John.

Within the hour, String found himself flying with his brother up to the cabin. St. John couldn't help but notice how quiet String had been nearly the entire flight.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," replied String. "I guess I just missed this. I hope that someday I'll get to fly again."

"You will," St. John replied. "You've overcome so much. I don't see anything stopping you now."

Hawke sighed. "St. John, I need you to do me a favor," he told him.

"Sure, what is it?" he asked.

"I'd like you to find Caitlin for me," Hawke said softly. "I'd really like to see her but I have no idea where she went or if she'd even want to see me again but I need to try."

St. John smiled. "Oh, is that all?" he asked. "That's an easy request."

"It is?" String shot him a puzzled look.

"Well yeah," he replied. "Did you really think she'd go that far?"

"What do you mean?" String asked.

St. John reached over and patted his brother on the shoulder. "I get what you see in her," he admitted. "I realized quickly that she had to be someone special since you and Dom cared about her so much. So, I made the effort to get to know her. We've become good friends. We get together a couple of times a week."

Hawke shot him another perplexed look. "How good of friends?" he asked.

St. John laughed. "Just friends if that's what you mean," he replied. "I would never steal your girl."

"She's not my girl," he replied quickly.

St. John sighed. "Come on now," he chided. "Admitting it to yourself is the first step. I know you care deeply for her. It's why you pushed her away so hard. Admit it."

Hawke shook his head and sighed. "It's complicated," he finally replied. "If there ever really were any feelings between us, that ship has sailed. I'm pretty sure I ruined it with the way I treated her. But still, I'm glad she didn't go far."

"Even though she couldn't go and see you, she refused to abandon you String," St. John said. "Dom's death hit her hard. She just didn't want to lose you too."

Hawke sat quiet the rest of the way to the cabin. He never even thought about how hard Dom's death must have been to Caitlin. He'd only thought of himself. He knew she loved him like a father and he hated that he'd never realized what she was going through.

"Don't blame yourself String," St. John told him. "She's a strong woman. She managed okay. Dom left her some money and one of the helicopters so she started her own charter business. She's doing well."

"I want to see her," Hawke said so sternly that it came out like a demand.

"You will," St. John assured him as he landed the helicopter on the dock by the cabin lake. "I promise."

The sight of the lake and cabin nearly took Hawke's breath away. He'd forgotten how much he loved it there. It was beautiful and peaceful and after a year and a half, he was finally home.

St. John helped Hawke out of the helicopter and steadied him as they walked the path up to the cabin together. Once they got to the steps, String slowly took them one by one on his own. St. John stood back and watched a moment before following up the steps and inside the cabin.

Once inside Hawke sat down on the sofa and looked around. The cabin had been decorated for Christmas with lights and garland winding up and down the loft stairs. There was even a small tree lit in white lights sitting in the corner with several presents under it.

St. John couldn't help but notice the sad look on his brother's face as he took in the sights.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you not up for celebrating Christmas this year?"

String shrugged his shoulders. "We can celebrate, he admitted. "I guess I just kind of hoped that Caitlin would be here waiting for us."

"Well who in the world do you think did all of this decorating?" a voice replied from behind.

Hawke turned to see Caitlin standing in the doorway. He quickly noticed that even though her hair was a bit longer and her face slightly fuller, she looked as beautiful to him as ever. He slowly stood up and then moved towards her as quick as he was able to go. She met him halfway as he grabbed her and hugged her tightly.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he continued to hold her in his arms.

"You really don't have anything to be sorry for," she replied softly. "You were going through a lot."

Hawke pulled away enough as to look her face but still continue to hold her in his arms. "I should have realized that you were going through a lot too," he admitted. "I wasn't fair to you. I should have never pushed you away."

Caitlin shrugged her shoulder and bit her lip. "Hey," she said with a smile. "At least I get the satisfaction of knowing it was me who lit a fire under your butt and helped you fight to get your life back."

Hawke smiled. "You sure did," he replied. "I guess I owe you now. I'll have to come up with some way to pay you back."

St. John smiled as he moved towards Caitlin and whispered in her ear.

"St. John!" Caitlin nearly screamed before her cheeks turned bright red.

"What?" he asked in a naïve tone. "I was just trying to give you some ideas on how he could repay you."

"I think I need a drink," Caitlin replied trying to change the subject.

"On that note," St. John replied. "I need to get going. I'll be back tomorrow night for Christmas Eve. If you need anything, just call."


	2. Part 2

**Part 2**

Caitlin poured herself a glass of wine and joined Hawke who had now settled comfortably on the sofa.

She couldn't help but smile at how relaxed he seemed.

"I know you're happy to be home," she told him.

Hawke smiled back at her. "I am," he replied. "There was a time I thought I'd never make it."

"I always knew you make it," she said as she placed her hand on his arm.

Hawke sighed. "Well, maybe you always had faith in me but I wasn't so sure," he admitted. "I let a lot of things cloud my mind."

"But you overcame it all," Caitlin reminded him.

"Yeah, I did," he replied staring at her for a moment before continuing. "I thought about you every day. I was afraid I wouldn't see you again."

"Awe Hawke," she replied. "I thought about coming back to the hospital so many times but the doctors advised against it. Then when I found out that you were finally going through with the therapy, I knew I had to wait until you were ready."

Hawke shot her a half smile. "Well, I'm not a hundred percent just yet but I sure as hell will continue working until I get there."

Caitlin smiled. "I know you will," she replied. "I wouldn't expect any less."

Hawke decided to lighten the mood by changing the subject. "Thanks for decorating the place," he told her.

"You're welcome," she replied. "I enjoyed doing it. It brought back memories of the last Christmas we shared with Dom. Those were happy memories that I'll never forget. I even remembered some of his tree decorating tips."

Hawke laughed. "Yeah, I'll never forget you asking him how a grumpy old man could learn to decorate a Christmas tree like that."

Caitlin giggled. "I laughed so hard at the look he gave me that I nearly peed in my pants!"

"That was a great Christmas," Hawke said softly. "Too bad we didn't get to continue the tradition Dom wanted us to start."

Caitlin got up and poured herself another glass of wine. She wanted to remember the good times with Dom and not dwell on the sadness she felt at missing him. "Do you want anything?" she asked before sitting back down.

"I'm good," he replied while shifting sideways to face her.

Caitlin sat quietly for a minute and stared at the fireplace. She had meant to start a fire but had forgotten to bring in the wood. She shivered slightly.

Hawke reached over and grabbed a blanket that was thrown over the back of the sofa.

"Move closer," he told her.

Caitlin scooted over beside him as Hawke wrapped the blanket around the two of them.

"Thanks," she replied. "I guess it's getting a little cold out now. I would love it if we had snow for Christmas."

"Yeah, I think I'd like that too," he replied.

Caitlin sighed. "Dom and his story tradition," she said referring to Hawke's comment about continuing traditions. You know I found that old bubble light but I couldn't figure out how to get it to work. I even plugged it in every single light socket. Finally, I just put it on the tree. See, its right up there in the corner."

Hawke smiled. "Remember the whole story?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah," she replied. "He said his old friend Sal gave it to him just before he passed away. He claimed it only lit up Christmas Eve and it meant that someone you lost was thinking of you. I know that darn thing only lit up Christmas Eve when Dom was here but come on Hawke, you know Dom had to of been responsible for that. There has to be some kind of trick to it."

Hawke shrugged. "I guess I never cared to ask," he admitted. "I mean, it was more fun to just go along with the story and the myth. Dom loved it. You only heard the story that one Christmas. I heard it for years. And yes, each year that darn thing lit up on Christmas Eve. I'm sure Dom had something to do with it but I never questioned him about it."

Caitlin snuggled closer to Hawke and pulled the blanket up to her chin. "I guess we'll know for sure tomorrow then," she teased. "I'm not sure how I'd react if that thing actually lights up."

Hawke smiled. "I think I'd feel some peace," he admitted.

"Do you remember my story?" she asked.

"Faintly," he replied. "It would be nice to hear it."

"Okay, but only if you promise to tell one this time," she chided. "I remember you started to tell one last year but then Dom fell asleep and you said you'd tell it later. You never did."

"I promise," he replied. "But you have to help me start a fire after you tell your story."

Caitlin shuddered a little. "Yeah, I think that would be a good idea," she said softly. "It is getting a bit nippy in here."

Caitlin pulled her legs up onto the sofa and shifted the blanket slightly as to make sure they were wrapped fully before she began her story.

"Well, my favorite Christmas happened when I was seven years old," she began. "My dad was in the military and we lived on the base. Money was really tight that year because my sister had been sick a lot and there were quite a few medical bills that had to be paid. Mom loved to window shop a lot and we'd go by this little jewelry shop every weekend. She fell in love with this pretty silver necklace that had a heart pendent with little flowers carved into it. We all knew she wanted it, even daddy. But she knew we couldn't afford it."

Caitlin stopped a minute as a tear ran down her face.

"What's the matter?" Hawke asked as he reached over and brushed away the tear.

"Nothing," she replied. "Sometimes the silliest things make me cry. It's okay."

"Sure," Hawke replied softly.

"Okay, well anyway, Christmas day came and my parents did a good job with making sure my sister and I had the best day ever," she continued. "We went to have dinner at my dad's best friend's house that night and as we were leaving, my dad commented on how beautiful my mom looked. Then he told her that there was one thing missing. I think we all grinned from ear to ear when he pulled out that dang necklace and handed it to her. It turns out he had been working a side job when mom thought he was just hanging out with his buddies for several weekends. He really wanted her to have that necklace. She has always treasured it. I guess that's why I think that a man giving a woman a necklace is one of the most romantic things ever."

"More romantic than an engagement ring?" Hawke asked.

Caitlin thought for moment. "Yeah, I would so say," she replied. "If it's given from the heart and means he loves her."

Hawke moved the blanket and slowly stood up. "How about we get that fire started now?" he asked.

Caitlin got up and brought in the wood before helping Hawke start the fire in the fireplace.

"I think I'm getting tired," Hawke admitted. "How about I share my story in the morning? It's been a pretty big day for me."

Caitlin sighed. "Okay," she replied reluctantly. "St. John set you up in the guest room down here until you can manage the stairs alone. I hope you don't mind that I'm taking the loft."

"That's fine," he replied. "I figured that'd be best."

The next morning, Hawke awoke to the smell of bacon cooking. He slowly made his way out into the kitchen as Caitlin put the food on the table.

"I hope you're hungry," she said. "St. John will be here in a few hours. He promised he'd cook dinner tonight."

"Smells great," Hawke told her as he sat down and grabbed the glass of orange juice. "I am pretty hungry."

Caitlin sat down and joined him. "I got the fire going again," she told him. "I hope St. John makes it. It looks like it might actually snow out there."

"You've been busy this morning," replied Hawke. "I hope you know that I appreciate all of this. I don't think I'd be here right now if it weren't for you. You've made my recovery a lot easier."

Caitlin smiled. "You're worth it," she told him. "I'd do anything to help you Hawke."

"I know," he replied softly.

After breakfast the two moved back to sitting in front of the fireplace. Caitlin got up several times to stoke the fire and keep it going strong.

"You're getting good at that," he told her.

Caitlin stared at him for a moment. "Okay, Hawke quit stalling," she told him. "I want to hear about your favorite Christmas memory. Tell me your story."

Hawke sighed. "Well, I can't just yet," he told her. "But, if you'll help me with something I just might be able to."

Caitlin shot him a confused look. "Help you with what?" she asked.

"In my nightstand I have this small brown envelope," he replied. "Will you go up and get it for me?"

Caitlin shrugged. "Sure," she replied as she got up and ran up the steps to the loft.

"Which side?" she yelled down as she made her way over to the bed.

"Left side," he yelled back up.

Caitlin opened the drawer and quickly spotted the little brown envelope. She picked it up and made her way back downstairs to join him on the sofa again.

"Here you go," she said as she handed it to him. "But what does this have to do with your Christmas story?"

"Everything," he admitted as he slowly tore the end and tilted it to the side. "You see, my favorite Christmas memory hasn't happened yet but I'm hoping that will change."

"What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously.

Hawke grabbed her hand and opened it before gently placing the contents of the envelope into her palm and closing her fingers around it. "This is for you," he told her. "I'd planned to give it to you last year but I was in the hospital."

Caitlin slowly opened her hand and stared at its contents. "Hawke was this….?" She began to say.

"I remember you looking at it when we were in that little town helping out at the orphanage," he told her. "I went back and got it before we left."

Caitlin stared at the necklace in her hand. It had a silver chain and a Claddagh pendent. "I love it!" she finally said as she reached over and gave him a hug.

Afterwards Hawke reached over and placed his hand on her face before leaning in and kissing her softly. "It's given with love," he told her before kissing her once again. "I do love you."

"I love you too," she admitted before stopping and staring at him. "I can't believe that not only did you remember my story but you went back and got that for me. I never thought you could be the romantic type."

Hawke feigned a hurt look. "Hey, I can be romantic when I want," he replied before laughing.

Caitlin smiled before giving a look of shock.

"Hawke," she said as her eyes grew bigger. She couldn't stop staring at the Christmas tree.

"What is it?" he asked, concerned.

"Look at the tree," she insisted. "Hawke I swear I didn't touch that and I know you didn't."

Hawke looked over at the Christmas tree. "What?" he asked.

"Dom's bubble light!" she nearly screamed. "Hawke, do you see it?"

"Yeah," he replied softly. "Well, what do you know…..maybe Dom was telling the truth all along."

Caitlin sighed. "I don't know if Dom is thinking of us but I sure know I'm thinking of him."

"Me too," Hawke admitted. "And I think I finally have a favorite Christmas memory."

Caitlin smiled as Hawke helped her put on her new necklace. "I think I do too," she replied.

 **MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!**


End file.
